Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Update time:

1.) Former WSU coach Jim Walden, now much hated by Wolverine nation, is a god for putting Florida at the top of his Harris Poll ballot. Oh, it's not that The Ford agrees with his rankings; claiming Florida is the best team in the country is completely bat-shit insane. No, it's that The Ford isn't sure whether he did it to extract revenge against Michigan for the 98 Rose Bowl, or just to make sure OSU wouldn't have a perfect BCS ranking. And any time you have two motives for revenge, equally compelling, well, you've gotta follow your heart and submit a bat-shit-insane ballot.

(Also, how cool it is that he's always described as "ex-WSU coach"? He actually left WSU for Iowa State, before returning to Cougar Nation a few years ago to do radio color commentary. He also has one of the best Cougar quotes of all time: this.)

2.) Based on recently received information, the soon-to-be Mrs. Modano is The Williford, not The Willa.

3.) Snow has fallen here in the 313. Already, the pigeon carcasses are tough to pick out in the drifts and snowbanks.

4.) The Ford will likely be rooting for the F'rojans in the Rose Bowl, if only because he hates the Wolverines slightly more. Though if it's anything like the F'rojans' game against the Fighting Irish, he'll probably spend most of his time vacillating between rooting for the F'rojans, rooting for a meteor strike, and hating himself for both actions.

5.) Mascots are cool. (OK, that wasn't really an update, but still, it's a good story.)

6.) The Ford's a travellin' man. Well, not yet, but he might be making a stop in your town soon!*

*Offer good only for those folks living in the Northwest in early January and those folks living in Syracuse in mid-February.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

On this, the crappiest of all college football Saturdays, The Ford's gonna talk...


No, really.

Actual NHL stuff and everything.

OK, semi-actual NHL stuff, since rather than recap the game The Ford caught this week featuring the local Russian thug...er...Red Wings and The Official NHL Franchise (the first Dallas loss The Ford has ever seen in person), The Ford's just gonna highlight that he's not the only Ford who digs the Stars.

Wait, that came out wrong. Somehow.

Um, yeah, anyhow, The Ford's favorite position player of all time apparently is working on a few different positions in his spare time with Ms. Ford.

Probably best that you take her off the market, to avoid any confusion between The Willa and The Ford.

For example, here's the quick facts on The Willa, thanks to our non-existent friends at Bodognation.com:
  • Ranked No. 60 in Stuff magazine's "102 Sexiest Women In The World" (2002)
  • Formerly linked to Backstreet Boy Nick Carter, and Dallas Stars center Mike Modano
  • Will be featured in the March 2006 edition of Playboy
  • QB for the Dallas Desire of the Lingerie Football League
Meanwhile, the quick facts on The Ford:
  • NOT ranked in Stuff magazine's "102 Sexiest Women In The World" (2002) (Also not a woman, so that might have just been a technicality...)
  • Formerly linked to, um, er... wow. It's not exactly a long list. Dang.
  • Will be likely be buying the March 2006 edition of Playboy, someday soon.
  • Would like to meet the Dallas Desire of the Lingerie Football League
So, there you have it, the major differences between The Willa and The Ford.

Just in case you were wondering.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Lessons The Ford has learned to open December:

1.) There is a time and place for an extremely drunk stripper. 12:30 at the bar is not it.

2.) Never let said stripper get ahold of your cell phone.

3.) Never take your beverage back to the VIP room with you. Bad things will happen.

4.) Never visit a gentleman's club alone. If for no other reason, someone must remain behind to watch the beer.

5.) Save the beer, save the world.

6.) Always accept rides from beautiful women.

7.) Accepting the relative rarity of such offers, always carry gloves and a warm hat.

8.) On a night with bitter cold and a biting wind, a good bowl of chili and slice of pie can make the night seem neither that cold, nor that biting.

Friday, December 01, 2006

It's not that The Ford's not occasionally homesick for the Great Northwest. (Or, as he hates to call it, The 206/360/503/509/253...)

It's just that it's usually a dull ache, instead of the sharp pang of homeward pull The Ford felt after reading this.

Then again, it has probably been 15 months since The Ford tasted the wares of Mr. Weinhard, a Private Reserve drought long enough to make any man go insane.

Can you feel the MAC Championship Fever?

The Ford can't, but that's probably because he was too busy fighting off driving rain and 30 mph winds.

Inn any event, Detroit played host to Central Michigan and Ohio universities this fine Thursday evening, and, for some reason, OU brought the co-eds, while CMU brought only the alums.

This could have something to do with CMU being due back in town for the Motor City Bowl in a month's time, but The Ford prefers to imagine it's more due to OU having some lovely ladies, while CMU is a full-blown sausage-fest.

There's no actual scientific basis for this claim, save that at the bar The Ford was hanging out at, the OU girls (ya gotta like any gals whose shirts read, "OU? Oh yeah!") were in full drunk mode, while the CMU alums were drunkenly trying to hit on them.

Now, the OU gals weren't the hottest women The Ford's ever seen (one unlucky gal's bosom was actually described as "concave" by a member of The Ford's drinking/Golden Tee party), but their Skankiness Quotient was certainly making up for any hotness deficiencies.

It's not exactly what The Ford's come to expect from the OU women he knows, but, well, it's just damn good to see folks enjoying themselves after a 21-point loss that wasn't even that close.

And, yeah, The Ford's already looking forward to the CMU ladies, when they finally hit the Motor City for, appropriately enough, the Motor City Bowl.

Skank on, ladies.

Thus observeth The Ford.