Friday, May 25, 2007

Maybe The Ford's getting older...

Actually, there's no maybe about it, considering the laws of time and entropy are still in effect.

OK, so The Ford's getting older. Really, he is. Official Birthday No. 28 is less than two weeks away.

Still, it's a bit disconcerting to read this list and discover how many hot celebrities are over 35.

Gwen Stefani? 37? Seriously?

Salma Hayek? 40? Man, The Ford's still scarred from watching Desperado -- unedited -- with his parents.

Giada DeLaurentis at No. 6? Not that she's not a babe, but... No. 6? Somebody at MSN has been watching the Food Network a bit too much...

The Official Top Five Rankings of The Official Blog of The Ford, AKA, The Official 35YOILFs:

5. Gwen Stefani, 37

4. Elizabeth Hurley, 41

3. Lucy Liu, 38

2. Halle Berry, 4o

1. Salma Hayek, 40

Monday, May 21, 2007

The Ford is not one to tear down good ideas, simply because they're not perfect.

Actually, no, that's exactly the kind of guy The Ford is.

Which brings us to yesterday's debacle.

The Ford was all set to enjoy a late Sunday evening showing of the CBC's 24th anniversary edition of The Official Imported Movie of The Official Blog of The Ford, along with The Official Best Friend.

Just one problem. Because The Official Red-Colored Hockey Team's playoff game ran long, The Ford was left with, um, about 35 minutes less Official Imported Movie than he expected.

Well, technically, The Official Best Friend had 35 minutes less Official Imported Movie -- The Ford's been without cable TV for the better part of 18 months. But still, the point is the same..

It's the same problem The Ford had whenever he'd try to record TV shows after the Super Bowl.


To get all tech-geeky, VCRs/DVRs/TiVos/whatever you use use highly updated television listings to know when things are going to be on. How hard could it be just to tag each show broadcast with a carrier wave of some sort, unique to each show, that your recording device could pick up on, and know that that show was, um, that show.

Of course, this might require a digital system cable of tracking hundreds of channels feeding into a receiver at once.

And yet, if we can create a satellite TV channel that shows only red zone opportunities every Sunday during the NFL season, surely we can work this out.

Wouldn't you pay extra to know that what you wanted to record was actually going to get recorded EVERY TIME.

The Ford knows he would.

That is, were he paying for cable at all, and not just hanging out with folks with cable. And you wonder why The Ford just watches shows on DVD these days.

In other news:

The Ford caught a Sunday matinee showing of "Meaningless Revenge III: The Cardinaling." Or, in other words, the Tigers-Cardinals game.

The Ford picked up a new Tigers hoodie that's just a skoche too tight, making for some awkward moments when removing the hoodie. ("Why yes, that is my natural chest hair. I'm very proud of my man-fur...")

Also, as much as The Ford hates watching Neifi Perez play (he was going to write "hit" but then he realized Neifi the Inning-Killer doesn't hit so much as carry a piece of lumber from the dugout to home plate and then back again. His two career options were basically "lumberyard" or "ballpark." How lucky for us he chose "ballpark."), he does enjoy the moment when N.P. comes up to bat, and the stadium is filled with the sounds of Jay-Z's "Big Pimpin'."

Yes, Neifi Perez is big-pimpin'. One just imagines him thinking, as he comes to the plate,
"Me give my heart to a woman
Not for nothin' never happen'
I'll be forever mackin'
Heart cold as assassins, I got no passion
I got no patience and I hate waitin'
Ho, get your ass in."
Followed by, "Damn, I grounded out again."

Actually, on the video, it kinda looks like Neifi on the boat, if you, um, squint. And drink heavily. And are blogging on too few hours of sleep. And have a grudge again Neifi Perez.

So The Ford's covered.