Wednesday, October 11, 2006

For years, The Ford has believed one thing above all others: In times of awkwardness, The Ford is king.

It's a belief born from years and years and years of being the awkwardest guy in the room. The short guy. The tall guy. The young guy. The old guy. The dumb guy. The smart guy. The drunk guy. The sober guy. The guy willing to go against the rule of threes.

Yes, all these guys has The Ford been, often many of them at once.

And so,The Ford believed that in times of awkwardness, times of nervousness and silence, well, those would be the times The Ford was a man in full.

While others sought something to dilute the pain of an awkward moment, The Ford would be the one sitting back, perhaps not enjoying the awkwardness, but certainly familiar with it.

Tonight, though.

Tonight, The Ford was off his awkward game.

It was not that the particular moment was particularly awkward.

No, it was that when confronted with the awkwardness, The Ford was also confronted by his apparent Kryptonite.

Boobs.

Note this: It's not that The Ford is afraid of the boobs, or even unfamiliar with them. It's just that when they are injected into an awkward situation, The Ford is often left defenseless.

Really, it's a situatuion common to many men. Boobs are good. Boobs are plentiful. But introduce them into an otherwise normal situation, and men end up looking/acting like idiots.

We don't blame women for this. In fact, we sorts honor them. They have learned to deal with the boobs. For them, boobs are basically a walking home-field advantage, not unlike Lambeau Field or Oregon's MacArthur Court (depending on cup size....)

Meanwhile, The Ford is befuddled, left to get embarassed like a rookie cornerback facing Peyton Manning.

Who is a bit of a giant boob himself.

Go figure.

4 Comments:

At 2:29 AM, October 12, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello loser, you should not comment about things you know nothing about.

awkward? how about just plain stupid.

grow up.

 
At 3:22 AM, October 12, 2006, Blogger The Ford said...

Wow.

If I didn't comment about things I know nothing about, well, I wouldn't comment about much at all.

Obviously, boobs (or Peyton Manning or Lambeau Field or MacArthur Court) are a touchy subject.

So to speak.

 
At 11:23 PM, October 13, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

For years, I've believed in one thing: Anyone who gives themself a name that starts with "The..." might as well make it "The Big Boob," or the "The Big Tool." You get the idea.


I'm gonna go way out on a limb here and say the statement "It's not that The Fool is afraid of boobs, or even unfamiliar with them."


Come on, seriously. Familiar with boobs? You gave yourself that stupid name and we're supposed to believe you're familiar with boobs? Well, in a magazine, at least.


Tell you what, here's a little advice. Take your head out of your ass and realize what an idiot you are, otherwise you'll have plenty of time practicing how to deal with awkward situations, or at least sitting in a bar by yourself. My guess is it's not one of your strenghth's, right.

Thus sayeth The ... aw, screw it. You're a moron.

 
At 5:12 AM, October 14, 2006, Blogger The Ford said...

It's OK.

You can call yourself The Anonymous.

Or even The Anoymousal Series.

We won't judge.

 

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