Things The Ford isn't quite clear on...

1.) Why the good folks at the coneys in the 313 insist on serving oyster crackers with their bowls of chili.

2.) Why The Ford is so keen on bowls of chili at coneys in the 313.

3.) How to tell what a drunk girl is thinking.

4.) Who put the holes in the takeout container his slice of pie/cake from aforementioned coney was put in?

5.) How much The Ol' Grammar Professor would've hated that last sentence fragment.

6.) And that one.

7.) How to tell what a sober girl is thinking.

8.) Why he's willing -- and, indeed, sometimes eager -- to work 33 hours in a 36-hour period.

9.) If Tim McCarver is the most sadistic mofo on the face of the earth.

No, seriously, this needs more explanation. It wasn't enough to Tim Motherfuckin' McCarver, who still L-U-V-S the Yankees even though they fired his ass a couple of years ago, to be satisfied with ripping on the Tigers for not being as good as the Yankees. For five innings.

No, around the sixth, he decides to remind his viewing audience that the Tigers also lost five straight games entering the playoffs. Twist the knife more.

And then, when Joe Buck brought up that one of the other teams to do that was the 1987 Twins, who just happened to win the World Series, McCarver brought up the team the Twins beat in the ALCS: The Tigers.

Fucker.

Now, some blame here goes to Buck, 'cause no exchange goes this well without being rehearsed, but, still, y'know, the Tigers (in the words of Buck) "have been the best story in baseball this season."

And McCarver rips them for three hours.

Fucking McCarver.

Anyway...

10.) No, that's it. Just 9. Fuckin' McCarver.