Sunday, October 01, 2006

Sigh.

Is there a team The Ford hates more than USC?

Well, yes, actually.

But that's pretty much it.

Now, Th e Ford tends to forget this sometimes, right around BCS bowl time, when USC is the lone team defending the honor of the Pac-10.

At that time, well, The Ford's gotta rally around the Trojans.

But every other time?

USC must go down, and they must go down hard.

Especially during their visit to Pullman, a rarity in and of itself.

So, of course, The Ford was forced to fight for ownership of a TV at The Official Newspaper. Not even the promise of seeing WSU's new uniforms was a deal-sealer.

And, of course, once again, The Official Football Team lost.

No, they didn't lose bad; even The Ford had to be a bit optimistic as the Cougs refused to fold after giving up a 17-play, 8-minute drive.

But still, would it kill the Cougs to win one of these things? Beating Idaho, Baylor and Stanford is nice, but beating a good team would be, y'know, awesome. (especially in October, where, quoteth the Seattle Times: "The Cougars now enter the scary month of October in which they haven't won a game since 2003. They were 0-9 in 2004-05. The Cougars went 3-0 in October in 2003 on their way to the Holiday Bowl.")

(By the way, is it weird to face the Trojans one week, and the Beavers the next? Seems a bit odd. Maybe the Cougs could schedule the Gamecocks next season, too.)

Thus Endeth The Official Happy-Go-Lucky Portion of the program. Now, onto the bile.

Especially if that team was Fucking USC. Fucking USC that somehow gets a holding call overturned without a review, when everyone in the fucking country could see that, yes, there was holding, and yes, it was on both sides of the fucking player.

Fucking Trojans. Fucking Trojans. Fucking Trojans.

Seriously, The Ford could type -- not copy and paste, but actually TYPE -- that phrase for 10 minutes and it wouldn't sum up how pissed he is at USC.

Fucking Trojans.

7. Official. Things. To. Hate. About. The. Trojans. (None of which are probably in this book that The Ford has not read. Though, yes, he hates USC. Though he would have called it "The Ford Fucking Hates Fucking USC." Might not have sold as many books, but, well, The Ford would have bought a couple.)

1.) Pete Carroll. Moron in the NFL, genius in college.Helps when half od L.A. and San Diego is willing to pay your players for you, The Ford supposes. WSU's still working on getting the farmers on the Palouse out to games...

2.) John David Booty. Go by John. Or David. Or J.D. Whatever. Just pick one. Fucking prick Trojan. Your name is "Booty." No amount of first names is going to change that, and, really, The Ford would know.

3.) That fucking song. You know. The one that goes "Duh da-da-da-da-da-daduh-da-duh." You will burn in hell for that song, USC, based on the number of times it's gotten stuck in people's heads. (Unlike The Official Fight Song....)

3a.) Let's point out this site, which fairly rocks for fight songs. Though what's up with Cal having, like, 20? Pick one, and move on. Even Fucking USC managed to narrow it down a bit.

4.) This has nothing to do with either 3 or 3a, but it's an important note from Amazon.com: "On top of all this, USC counts the most Major League baseball players, the most baseball Hall of Famers, the most All-Stars and various dominant players. Despite not being known for basketball, a disproportianate number of Trojans from the 1940s and '50s are considered hoops pioneers. The "triangle offense" was invented at SC, and such stalwarts as Bill Sharman, Alex Hannum and Tex Winter played together before induction in Springfield. USC also boasts the most Olympians, the most Olympic champions, and if they had been a country in 1976, they would have placed third in total medals at the Montreal Games. "

Of course, had Fucking USC been a country in 1976, The Ford would like to believe we might have bombed the shit out of them for taking all our medals, and taught those fuckers a lesson.

5.) Somehow, USC managed to avoid visiting Pullman for about 20 years, instead playing WSU in either L.A., Seattle, or Spokane. Fucking Trojans. Get on a fucking bus, and come down to the Palouse. Or are you too scared to, because you might actually have to fight to win a game on the Palouse, like you did Saturday. Fucking USC.

6.) Some notable USC alums hated by The Ford, you ask? How about Jeff Smulyan, the man who kept trying to move the Mariners seemingly every year in the 1980s, the man Major League Baseball wouldn't LET own the Nationals. (And keep in mind, this is a business that lets Jeffrey Loria own, like, three teams, and threaten to move them all over the place when they inevitably crater. But no Jeff Smulyan anymore.)

7.) It's USC. You don't need a fucking reason to fucking hate Fucking USC.

Fucking Trojans.

1 Comments:

At 4:46 PM, October 02, 2006, Blogger The Soviet said...

hey ford, good luck with the detroit run in MLB. i would LOVE to see them knock off the yankees.

luckily, for yours truly, the astros finally returned to their old form, choking in the 11th hour.

phew!

 

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