Monday, June 19, 2006

So, The Ford had this idea for a blog post after hours and hours of skimming World Cup photos looking for something decent of Ronaldinho at The Official Newspaper.

So, of course, someone else had the same idea, and did it much better than The Ford possibly could have. (Such shocking humility!) Twice!

So, obviously, The Ford cannot do this.

Instead, he's just going to openly pine for those heady days of the NBA dance team bracket, and wonder when someone's going to put together a similar bracket for World Cup fans.

Because if that happens, The Ford's putting all his money on Brazil. Seriously, have you seen the Brazillians? First, they gave us the Brazillian wax, and now, they give us their Brazillian-waxed fans.

It's almost enough to make up for their quasi-ridiculous habit of going by a single name. (Fred? There's a guy on the Brazillian team named "Fred?" At least show a little love and go by "The Fred, " for the love of Pele.)

Ole! Ole! Ole!

Here now, are The Official Rankings of Female World Cup Fans of The Official Blog of The Ford:
1.) Brazil -- Duh. The total package: Hotness + thriving plastic surgery industry + insanity + Carnivale + willingness to shake that thang, twice over.

2.) Mexico -- Surprisingly hot, even with the overreliance on facepaint.

3.) Iran -- What you lack in freedom, you make up for in willingness to flaunt medium-sized racks.

4.) Germany -- Supermodel contingent -- Heidi Kulm, Claudia Schiffer, etc. -- raises ranking, but let's not ignore hotness of "Average Frauleins" attending the games.

5.) Sweden -- Bikini team yet to show up, but hundreds of other scantily-clad blondes making a difference.

6.) South Korea -- Not so much for the fans in Germany, but the fans in Korea and Los Angeles. Damn.

7.) Italy -- Decent overall ranking, but definitely getting a boost from players' wives/girlfriends.

8.) U.S. -- It pains The Ford to rank his hometown hotties this low, but really, other than a preponderance of American-flags-as-bras, the American gals have done very little.

9.) England -- Just as some countries are one-man shows, so is England a one-Spice squad.

10.) Japan -- See "South Korea," but with less success to drive the ladies crazy.

Runners-up: Spain, Poland, Switzerland, Argentina, Trinidad&Tobago -- Hey, y'all gave it your best, and damn it, that's nothing to be ashamed of. At least until the "Girls Gone Wild: World Cup" DVD comes out. (And you know it will.)

Thus ranketh The Ford.

2 Comments:

At 5:17 AM, June 19, 2006, Blogger Marcus said...

1. Brazil — This is no contest. The blonde holding the flag? Wow.
2. Sweden — The Swedish women appear to have a consistently high level of hotness.
3. Italy — A large amount of patriotic face paint, but they manage to overcome it.
4. Argentina — They seem to be trying a little too hard, but I’ll give them credit for the effort.
5. Mexico — More face paint. Some look very hot, others ... not so much.
6. Poland — The Poles are a bit like the Chicago Bulls in Michael Jordan’s early years. It’s a one-person show, but that one person damn-near gets the job done.
7. Germany — I sense a certain complacency from the Germans. Perhaps it comes from being able to sleep at home and not being on a month-long bender as some of the more far-flung countries are.
8. Spain — I’m giving them credit for coordination. And inspiring my favorite response on Bastardly: “The Ñ in España stands for (k)nocked up.”
9. Switzerland — Another one-woman show, just not as good.
10. United States — Mainstream hot American women just aren’t going to show up for the World Cup. Those that did show up make a respectable showing. Except the woman who is flexing her biceps (that’s behavior that should not be encouraged).
Others receiving votes: Trinidad and Tobago, Iran, England, Japan, South Korea.

 
At 5:46 PM, June 20, 2006, Blogger The Soviet said...

good luck finding a decent picture of ronaldinho.

poor fella.

 

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