Monday, June 12, 2006

The Ford's not generally one to discuss women's physical attributes completely divorced from their personalities.

OK, OK, he is one to do that, but usually not without at least a couple of beers.

How lucky for you, dear reader, that The Ford may or may not have stopped off at The Official Bar on his way home. (The NBA's 9:15 p.m. start times don't necessarily drive a fella to drink, but they certainly buy him a bus pass.)

Apparently, there's a magazine poll arguing for Scarlett Johansson as keeper of the world's best breasts. Or perhaps the world's breast bests. Who knows.

The point is, Ms. Johansson beat out Jessica Simpson and a nearly-40 Salma Hayak.

Best breasts? Scarlett Johansson?

Don't get The Ford wrong; he's all for backing the hotness of Ms. Johannson. Any doubts he had were removed when a female acquaintaince confirmed her own attraction to Ms. Johannson.

He'd just like to see the recognition of said hotness rooted in a "Girl-Next-Door-Who's-Incredibly-Hot" vein, rather than a "Those Tits, That Ass" area. Hotness should be an all-around quality, thanks to breast size being the great equalizer in individual Hotness Quotients.

There's no reason for this, other than it does add an air of mystique to the whole thing, and really, isn't that what ranking the hotness of women is all about?

Similarly, The Ford prefers his NBA MVP play some defense, his home-run champs hit above .300, and his talk-show hosts tell some stories.

The alternative is a sad emphasis on specialization already spread too far across America.

But, you're saying now, dear reader, "That's all well and good, and we appreciate your ability to obfuscate T-and-A debates with rhetoric about the American character, but why won't you just let us compare the ladies Johansson, Hayek and Simpson?"

To which The Ford replies, "Bam!"

And then The Ford notes Ms. Simpson is missing from said gallery, requiring a, "Bam, Part Two!!"

(Oh, and if you wanted some explanations of the poll, and perhaps the, er, "fleshing out" of the top 10, "Bam, Part Three!!!"


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