Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Who is The Official Tiger of The Official Blog of The Ford?
(The Tigers' advertising campaign this season consists of a single question most fans are unable to answer: Who's Your Tiger?)

The candidates:

Brandon Inge: An early frontrunner, but abandonment of Skee-Lo will cost him in the voting, especiall considering the replacement is crappy current rap.

Jeremy Bonderman: Another early front runner, thanks to his Washington hertiage and build eerily similar to The Fords. And yet, The Ford proves unable to pull the trigger.

Kenny Rogers: Really only in the running based on the strength of an unintentionally hilarious ad in which Kenny Rogers, the singer, endorses Kenny Rogers, the pitcher. Brilliant.

Curtis Granderson: Almost nothing in common with The Ford, but he did enjoy The Official Newspaper's profile of him the other day. Politeness should be rewarded in baseball, The Ford feels.

Carlos Guillen: The Ford enjoys being proven right that Guillen is actually one of the best-hitting shortstops in the American League, but doesn't enjoy throwing up a little bit in his mouth every time he remembers how little the Mariners got in dealing him away (That would be Ramon Santiago, now back with the Tigers, though not a candidate for Official Tiger of The Official Blog of The Ford). (Oh, and for what it's worth, is there a more lopsided trade in the past 10 years than 2 months of Randy Johnson (Astros) for Freddy Garcia, Carlos Guillen, and John Halama (Mariners)? Can't think of much.)

Pudge Rodriguez: While the prospect of a catcher who routinely beats out infield hits is neat-o, The Ford likes his No. 3 hitter, to , y'know, hit.

Chris Shelton: Red Pop's a solid hitter, but The Ford's holding out until the guy hits another double.

Justin Verlander: Too many letters in his name.

Todd Jones: Enjoy the weekly column in The Official Newspaper, the nickname "Roller Coaster," and the facial hair. Don't enjoy the editing of said column, the panic imbued by said nickname, or the time spent trying to emulate said facial hair.

Fernando Rodney: Chances are improving now that he's gone to the 'fro, since The Ford fervently dreams of the day he'll have a 'fro of his own.

Dimtri Young: There's a drug, alcohol or domestic-abuse joke in here, but The Ford's going to refrain.

Joel Zumaya: Not until he starts referring to himself as "Jo-El, last son of a dying planet, able to leap small buildings and throw faster than a speeding bullet."

Nate Robertson: The top candidate right now, thanks to his glasses-wearing, gum-chewing channelling of Daniel Stern in "Rookie of the Year." Oh, and he's left-handed. (A side note: Daniel Stern also directed "Rookie of the Year." No point to that, but The Ford thought you should know that.)

So who's The Official Tiger? No decision yet, unfortunately.


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