Friday, March 03, 2006

The Ford's quick hits from Detroit:
1.) Got my hair cut for the first time in Detroit this weekend.
Which, I guess, wouldn't be that momentous, other than I did it in Dearborn.
I feel like a resident of Dearborn a lot of the time. With a Target, Best Buy and Borders within three blocks of each other, The Ford finds himself drawn there every day off, like a moth drawn to moderately prices CDs and free comic books.
Now, Dearborn would be your average American town, save for its incredibly dense population of Arab-Americans.
Now, you get used to seeing gals at the Target in burqas and signs in Arabic pretty fast.
But it was a weird thing to walk into the soothingly named "Sam's Barber Shop" there and be the only guy not speaking Arabic.
Yes, once again, The Ford, Whitest Guy in America, had stumbled into another hilarious non-white episode.

Honestly, the language thing -- and the realization that everyone in the barbershop had stopped what they were doing to stare at me -- was so disconcerting that I might have left, had there not been a copy of the Freep on the counter, turned beguilingly to the Olympics front I'd done the night before.
No barber shop with such respect for the work of a genius such as The Ford could possibly be bad, right?
Actually, things went really well, once they were able to convince me there was no way I was escaping getting my hair washed.
Now, The Ford washes his hair every day -- just one of many personal hygiene habits The Ford has improved on a lot since high school -- and in this case, had taken a shower not more than an hour before.
The Ford just opposes getting his hair washed by a stranger unless said stranger has breasts and a vagina. And even then, The Ford will usually insist on at least partial nudity and a security deposit.
Nevertheless, there was no getting out of the shampooing. And so The Ford took his rinse like a man, and came out of the whole thing with a pretty good haircut, proving that a good haircut transcends cultural and languagical barriers.
The Ford likely won't be making a second appearance at Sam's Barber Shop, though.
You can take away hot women lounging around (either in the form of SuperCuts workers, or in back issues of Playboy charmingly kept around) and The Ford will come back
You can even take away his ability to converse with barbers.
Just don't make The Ford wash his hair a second time. That shit's annoying.
2.) Tried out a new bar last night, The Town Pump. Recommended as the hipster's fave, with hot bartenders to boot.
And yet, still, The Ford was willing to give it a chance.
The beer was cheap, the bar was sparsely populated, and the bartender was smokin' hot. Of course, for a while, she seemed to share the main drawback of so many hot bartenders before her: an quasi-sociopathic inattention to serving beer to people she's not on a first-name basis with.
And then the bar died.
Seriously, it died.
Went from about 10 people hanging out to 1 in five minutes.
The Ford doubts the place could have cleared out faster had he started dancing naked on the countertop.
Faced with the realization that I was her only paying customer, I started to get some attention from the waitress, eventually escalating to playing movie trivia for shots with her and the bouncer.
Of course, The Ford's Eternal Drinking Game Dilemma reared its ugly head once more: Is the point of a drinking game to get drunk or to make friends and influence people? 'Cause The Ford can't do both.
Like Paul Crewe, The Ford can't throw a game longer than halftime. Still, by then, we'd all had enough drinks that no one cared.
Yes, The Ford was gaining popularity fast.
Sadly, all good things come to an end; eventually customers returned to the bar and The Ford regained his semi-anonymous status. Though he's still on a first-name basis with the hot bartender.
Plus, there's been some movie trivia studying.
So, The Ford's got that going for him. Which is nice.


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