Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Perhaps, just perhaps, we've pretty much run out of things to be addicted to in America.

For a while, we just had alcohol. Then drugs. Then food. Then weight loss. Then weight gain. (Though probably not in that order.)

And now?

Now, the hook du jour is, apparently, porn.

Yes, The Ford was waiting 25 minutes in line at the grocery store tonight, face to face with Kirk Franklin ("GP! Are ya wit' me? GP!") and his lovely wife Tammy.

Honestly, they looked a bit two-dimensional, which may or may not be attributable to their presence being only in magazine form. (This week in Ebony!)

He had a hot wife. And an addiction to porn.

Now he only has a hot wife.

There's probably more to this story, but really, the inclusion of "porn" on a magazine cover only gets The Ford to read so much.

And then, The Ford gets home and his AOL IM starts trying to sell him on "Glenn Beck," which is either a lame winery, a solid David Mamet screenplay, or a Headline News anchor who does special reports, this week, on "America's addiction to porn."

First, why does Headline News have a dude doing takeouts?

Is not the point of Headline News to simply report the headlines?

It's not like it's a vaguely named network or anything -- The Ford's looking at you, Vs. -- and yet they feel the need to not show, um, HEADLINES.

There's a whole MTV/MTV2 rant building up here, but let's not lose focus.

This week, "Glenn Beck" is reporting on porn and America's addiction to it.

Which is odd, since usually the stories on porn run in November during Sweeps.

But Glenn Beck is a REPORTER, not a CALENDAR MAKER, and so tonight, The Ford learned that the porn industry is bigger than all of professional football, basketbal and baseball combined. (But apparently not hockey. Hockey puts pro sports over the top. Hooray hockey!)

Also bigger than the Big Three of pro sports?

Oil? Yes.

The military-industrial complex? Yes.

(Yeah, The Ford hates to sound all wishy-washy liberal AND have to resort to an Eisenhower-era term, but well, when the shoe fits...)

Insects? Yes. (No, seriously, insects provide about $57 billion in support to other industries. Which makes The Ford feel kinda bad about beating the hell out of a spider the other day in the bathroom...)

But can Glenn Beck be bothered to go after Halliburton or your local entomologist?

Nope, he's going after the porn stars.

Of course, Glenn Beck also can't be bothered to wear a tie in his promotional photo, so The Ford should probably cut him some slack.

Unless he shows up on the cover of Ebony next month, and The Ford has to stare at him for 25 minutes.

Then Glenn Beck's going down.


At 2:07 AM, October 19, 2006, Blogger The Soviet said...

i love kirk franklin. luf him. and i love his addiction to porn.


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