Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The Ford does not make excuses.

The Ford DOES make explanations, and for those folks who think those two things are the sam, well, The Ford tells them to go to hell.

At which point he had to make "explanations" for why he's so unexpectedly harsh.

So, um, there's three paragraphs that "introduce" the explanation of a very, very spotty blogging schedule for the past week.


Well, The Ford is pretty much always overworked, overboozed, and undersexed.

Usually, this results in more posts.

Last week, with even more booze and a bonus houseguest -- ineligible for Official Houseguest status on the basis on his not being a woman -- it resulted in fewer posts.

These are the risks you take for free content.

Moving on, in the way The Ford does, despite the lack of a decent transtion ...

On the list of jobs The Ford might like to have, well, there's a listing for "Dude who comes up with the "The More You Know" PSAs.

'Cause if The Ford was doing them, you wouldn't get dumbass shit like, "Don't let your friends pressue you into drinking."

Instead, you'd get quality tips like. "Make sure everyone in a group is on the same drunkenness level."

The Ford deeply belives that the key to a relaxing night of drinking is making sure that everyone in a group is equally drunk.
It's not that everyone has had the same number of drinks; The Ford's Theory of Drinking Relativity applies here. ("Drink your weight. He who is light should drink lightly; he who is heavy should drink accordingly.")

Without this, you get hot drunk babes ready to grind to their favorite songs, and dudes too self-conscious to enjoy it.

Because if there's a hot drunk girl -- say, perhaps, a drunken Official Hot Bartendress on her night off -- ready to dance ... REALLY ready to "dance," and both her boyfriend and The Ford are still catching up to her in drunkeness (and, thus, NOT ready to "dance"), well, that's just a damn shame.

You end up with two dudes gamely grinding with a gal extraordinarily incompently, and no one goes home happy.

Other than the boyfriend, one assumes.

In other news, this was going to be a link to the World's Sexiest City voting.

After all, Detroit is up for "Most Masculine City," and The Ford can't help but feel slightly responsible, considering he moved to town THIS year.

Really, going from last year's "Least Sexy City," to "Most Masculine" in just one year?

Totally all The Ford.

(What's that? "Least Sexy City isn't a categort this year? Eh, whatever.")

Anyway, supposed to be all 313-centric, but then The Ford sees the roster of "Most hetero cities":
19.5% (80 votes)
11.5% (47 votes)
Portland, ME
11.5% (47 votes)
Washington, D.C.
33.4% (137 votes)
24.1% (99 votes)

Hmmm... one of these cities is not like the other, and The Ford's looking at you, Maine...

Anyway, cast your vote ASAP.

(Detroit is 2nd in Most Masculine City. Yeah, The Ford's that masculine.)


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