Monday, September 04, 2006

Time to check in with The Official Departments of The Official Blog...

The Obvious Statements For Stand-up Comics To Use Department:
"What's the deal with vacations? Seems like you're always more tired at the end of them than you were at the beginning."

Good to know, fellas, and oddly timely, considering The Ford's Official Mini-Vacation this weekend.

Next up, The Less Obvious Statements For Stand-up Comics To Use Department:
"In America, you eat carp. In Soviet Michigan, CARP eat YOU! Eh Eh Eh!"

Also timely, considering The Official Newspaper's page-turner on "Killer Carp!"

OK, looks like The Sports Department has settled into three sub-divisions: 1.) Mariner fans geeked about The Ford's impending opportunity to catch two of the Teal and Blue's visit to the CoPa; 2.) Tigers fans freaking out about the collapse that isn't really costing them any games in the standings, somehow; and 3.) the fantasy football geeks, taking a day off from a grueling week of drafts. (These are The Official Blog's guys who popped up when The Ford was breaking down Kevin Curtis' 2005 season, game-by-game. They get laid even less than The Ford, if such a thing is possible.)

Speaking of not getting laid, let's see what The Official Id has to say...
"I say, old boy, it's a pleasurable sensation to see young Miss Lavigne on a magazine cover, even if it is in French. While we're handing out the plaudits, The Official Id would also like to commend several young ladies on their appearances at the VMAs. Or rather, allow the good folks at Hollywood Tuna to do so, since The Official Id always believes in giving credit where credit is mostly due. And now, my good man, we're off for a bit of tea and titty bar, just as the Queen Mum intended it..."

Er, well said, there, Mr. Id.

Finally, since we're about done with this hack approach to a blog post, let's check in with The Official Drunkards of The Official Blog:

"Um, that's SOOOO awesome, Ford-dude. Dude! You should totally blog about this other blogdude that compared The Official NFL Franchise to Budweiser beer. Dude, I totally wanted to puch that guy in the face, until he started to make sense. So I just keyed his car. Tooootally, dude. But then, like, I heard this girl yell out "I'm sooooo drunk," and I sorta forgot why I was standing next to my car. Dude. She was fucccking hot, dude. And drunk. And hot, dude. Wait, what we we just talking about? Was it Lindsay Lohan? She's sooo hot. Dude, you gotta hit that when she visits Detroit."

Um, when is she visiting Detroit?

"Dude! Like, tomorrow!"


"Pssh. PSYCH!"

Exit The Ford, muttering about how there's gotta be a way around the budget cuts forcing him to use local frat boys and sorority girls to staff The Official Drunkards Department. Even if the girls do find REALLY good parties. Dude. Maybe The Official Id could cover for them...


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