Monday, July 10, 2006

Thoughts from The Ford as he dines on food from The Official Slider Source for the third time in four days....

1.) There is something greatly karmic about getting off work at a decent time, getting drunk at a decent time, getting home at a decent time, deciding not to blog 'cause, well, you blogged the hell out of your blog the previous evening/morning and you know you'll be getting off at a decent hour the next day, and then, well, having a semi-shitstorm drop on you at work, ensuring that you will not, in fact, get home at a decent hour, and so will be blogging until the wee hours of the morning.

And thus The Ford offers up this blog entry as a fervent prayer to The Gods of Blogging that they will, for the love of all that is holy and good (i.e., Scarlett Johansson visiting Detroit) let The Ford go a day without news breaking. OR a new project with a ridiculous deadline getting started. One day, one simple day.

2.) WTF is wrong with The Ford's local McD's? (It would be The Official McD's, but for reasons detailed below.)

Seriously, people stopping in at the 24-hour drive-thru at 4 a.m. do not want breakfast.

Even if they are able to reconcile themselves to the concept of delicious McMuffins of various shapes and sizes, they DEFINITELY do not want to be told that they must come back in 20 minutes to get said McMuffins, and that no food is currently available.

20 minutes?

In midtown Detroit.

At 4 a.m.

Right, The Ford'll just pop over to the local neighborhood crack house, have a nice time, and stop in when it's more convenient for you, random McD's worker.

This is The Ford's third time catching the breakfast changeover in three months, at three different times of night, and it's starting to feel less like reality, and more like someone's tired of pushing Asian Salads to drunkards and workaholics.

So, here's the deal:

Do away with the 24-hour drive-thru. Make it a 23-hour drive-thru. Just tell The Ford what damn hour you'll be closed to make the changeover. Hell, he might even get a McMuffin out of the deal.

3.) Speaking of fast food, all hail The Official Slider Source, for figuring out how to serve both dinner and breakfast.


Without shutting down the drive-thru.

Yes, it's shocking.

Now, ordinarily, The Ford couldn't, in the vernacular of some of his cruder relatives, give two craps in a bucket about breakfast menus, thanks to his aversion to eggs.

But in addition to the usual lineup of breakfast sandwiches, The Official Slider Source offers up "Potato Snackers," resembling tater tots someone -- perhaps The Ford's cruder relatives -- have sat on for 20 minutes. But, really, just a resemblance to tater tots is enough for The Ford, especially at 4 a.m. when he's just gotten bounced from the McD's drive-thru.

4.) The argument for massive amounts of overtime? Well, the money.

And what will The Ford be buying with his overtime?

Aside from, y'know, wine, women and song?

Well, in honor of The Official Hobey Baker Award Winner of The Official College Hockey Program of The Official Blog of The Ford's signing with The Official NHL Franchise, well, he'll be updating his old, worn-out Stars jersey with a new, fancy, personalized jersey.

Ah, if only there was a way to see what said jersey might look like from behind, were one two-dimensional and poorly jointed....

Oh, wait...SHAZAM!

(Oh, and check out the Stars' third jersey. So sweet, but for the weird red strips on the sleeves. Go figure.)

5.) Finally, it's another case study for The Ford's theory on British blouse bunnies.

OK, it's not really a theory yet, nor even a hypothesis.

But if The Ford can do the research tap dance for a bit, maybe there'll be some sweet R&D money coming into The Official Bank Account.

6.) Why is it that you can combine almost any type of upper-body clothing with an animal, and it becomes a euphemism for breasts?

Are we, as a society, just in a rut, so to speak, when it comes to coming up with abnormal ways to describe mammaries? Sweater meat, sweater kittens, blouse bunnies, etc...

Also, why are they always funny?

Some others, right off The Official Top of The Head:
-- Tunic toads
-- Pullover pandas

OK, The Ford's gonna keep working on this, but, for now, get used to the sentence, "Man, check out the pullover pandas on that chick!"

The Ford's sure you'll be hearing it all over the place.

Thus Coineth The Ford.


At 10:14 AM, July 10, 2006, Blogger Fisch said...

"... dines on food from The Official Slider Source for the third time in four days"

So do you have The Official Doctor ready for The Offical Heart Attack of the Ford? :)

At 2:55 PM, July 10, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love breakfast food in midtown Detroit at 4 a.m. What's your problem?

Actually, we usually have to wait until 11 p.m. until Whataburger starts serving breakfast so we can get "breakfast on a bun" and "breakfast taquitos."

I also like to refer to this as "drunk food."


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