Saturday, May 20, 2006

Y'know, The Ford was gonna let this go.

He really was.

Say absolutely nothing about it.

And yet, here he is, blogging away.

About what?

Danica Patrick.

Don't get The Ford wrong. It's not that she's not attractive. She's just not hot.

She. Is. Not. Hot.

But compared to the rest of her peers -- Open-wheel racers -- she's absolutely the hottest person alive, thanks to the almost complete lack of women among race car drivers.

Need proof?

Up there, you had Ms. Patrick.

Below, witness the glory that is Ashley Judd.

(Why Ashley Judd? Well, she's no driver, but as the wife of Dario Franchitti, she's the next closest thing in the IRL/Champ Car series.)Note this: Ashley Judd BLOWS Danica Patrick away. Not even close. And when was the last time you saw Ashley Judd in the top 50 of a "hot list?"

It's like the debate over who was the greatest baseball player ever. Compared to each other, Aaron, Ruth, Williams, Bonds, Pujols, A-Rod, well, they all seem sorta similar, in the way that all the Victoria's Secret models do if you get the catalog early in the afternoon. But if you compare them to the peer group from their eras? Ruth is the freakin' Scarlett Johansson of 'em all.

It's the same thing with Rachel Nichols, who, as a regular gal, ain't bad looking. (This one, not that one.) But since she basically only has to compete with Chris Mortenson, Ed Werder and Shelley Smith, well, she comes off as being God's incredibly hot gift to sports reporting.

When, The Ford will tell you, that title truly belongs to Erin Andrews.

Of course, the fault truly lies not in the women, or their appearance, but in the English language as it's currently spoken.

Seems like there's no good word to describe these outliers within their profession. Once we've tagged them with the clinical-but-oddly-lacking term, "attractive," there's nowhere to go but "hot."

Thus, The Ford proposes a new term for these women, exemplars of attractiveness in their professions, but far from hot: Semi-hot.

As in, "That Danica Patrick's a real semi-hottie."

And if anyone ever describes Ms. Judd as semi-hot, well, you'll have The Ford to deal with.


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