Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The Ford's gonna lead off with the quasi-naked women, if for no other reason than that's what's leaping to mind.

Jessica Alba? Christina Aguilera? Damn, GQ. The Ford salutes you, even if you're "honoring" Aguilera, a key figure in The Ford's "Skanky Hotness" theory. (the main thrust of which, so to speak, is that women on the cusp of hotness can drastically up their Hotness Quotient with the appearance of sluttiness, but only up to a point. Paris Hilton is another example, just in case you're wanked out on Ms. Aguilera.)

But just in case you're tired/scared of partying with Misses Aguilera and Alba, you could always hang out with Georgia Gov. Sonny Perdue. OK, sure, it's not as cool, but when Waffle House is serving both dinner AND breakfast, how can you refuse?

Unless, of course, you've got tickets to the Miss Hooters Canada pageant, which the Ottawa Sun has been promoting HARD on its SUNshine Girls page (you know the address) for some unknown reason, considering the pageant is in Calgary.

And finally, mostly because The Ford hates for a post starting with quasi-skankiness to end with the same, enjoy some wholesome, um, um, um, oh yeah, let's pimp out an article from The Official Newspaper pointing out the rise of the man in advertising. Because really, that's what pop culture was missing. More men. Still, despite The Ford's willingness to buy things hawked by women in skimpy outfits, he really finds himself digging the Miller ads for "Man Law," if for no other reason than hearing Burt Reynolds lay a verbal smackdown on Detroit-native Jerome Bettis: "I don't want your stinky finger in my beer."

See, that's how The Ford rolls: one day, you get the love for the Detroit natives like Kristin Bell; then next, it's hating on Jerome Bettis. The best part? It's obviously not based on cup-size. Though possibly based on penis size. Which is to say The Ford sincerely hopes Ms. Bell is sans penis. Unless she's not down with The Ford. Then? She can go to H-E-double-hockey-sticks.

And while we're waiting for Ms. Bell to form a pro- or anti-Ford policy, let's all enjoy the Man Laws here, ignoring for a moment that this is pretty much free advertising for a beer company that shut down The Ford's hometown brewery. (The Ford's trying to hold a grudge, but Burt Reynolds is a damn persuasive spokesman. Though probably not as persuasive as Kristin Bell. Ahem.)


At 10:04 PM, May 17, 2006, Anonymous Lisa said...

I saw that Bettis commercial today. And my question is, would Jerome's finger *fit* in a longneck in the first place?

At 1:49 AM, May 18, 2006, Blogger The Ford said...

He's a fat man. But a tiny one.
They just might.
Though, really, any violation of the bottleneck by his stinky fingers, however slight, is unwanted, and unwarranted.
Unwelcome, even...


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