Sunday, May 14, 2006

The Pistons lost, and the Tigers won tonight, both in Cleveland, leaving both cities vagely confused about their satisfaction levels.

In other news, let's consider the things The Ford is considering right now.

(C'mon, it's an exercise in empathy, not to mention a lame segue to some Larry-King-esque iteams. You want depth? Go read a Sunday newspaper.)

1.) Not sure how to fix the whole "bad haircut" dilemma. There's the possibility of going to another barber. Like, say, this recent advertiser in The Official Newspaper, which appears to be some combination of barber, strip club and bar, minus beer and nudity. Unless things go really well, The Ford hopes. There's the possibility of just letting the hair grow out, appealing mostly for its cheapness. The third possibility? Drink. A lot. The beauty of this approach is that it works equally well with either of the first two solutions.

2.)* Must. Get. Cable. Finally. Though the news of HBO possibly/likely cancelling "Deadwood" is dulling that urge a bit for The Ford. Yes, where else will The Ford get his weekly overuse of "cocksucker" and "motherfucker," if not "Deadwood." Oh, right, The Ford's a grown-ass man and can say the words himself.
*Or even write them in a blog, and then give said section of said blog an NC-17 rating. Like The Ford just did.

3.) Something strikes The Ford as vaguely wrong about a teen cheerleader for a pro team. Maybe it's because the whole sexual fantasy of teen cheerleaders is so prominent, and yet pro football cheerleaders frequently present sort of a Disneyfied/neutered version of sexuality, especially when you're watching The Official Dance Team get down in windbreakers and long pants. Then again, maybe this gal's sorta the LeBron James of cheerleading, and we should all take the opportunity to be witnesses. Even without a fancy Nike marketing campaign.

4.) This dude probably likes the Clippers a bit TOO much. But then again, it's good for anyone to like the Clippers. And The Ford has no space to complain, considering he's probably paying extra to live in The Official Building of The Official Blog of The Ford, simply because he enjoys walking both to The Official Newspaper AND TO TIGERS GAMES. Then again, it might be sorta embarassing if The Ford DIDN'T live in The Official Building, it being official and whatnot. It'd make for an interesting debate on what makes something "official," if The Ford didn't have better things to do with his time. Anyway, Clippers fan, The Ford salutes you for your ridiculous devotion to your team, and notes that if you're ever in the Motor City, he'll spot you a ticket to a Tigers game.

5.) Y'know, it's been a while. Let's see how prototypical Edmonton women, such as those protrayed in a popular Edmonton newspaper, are celebrating the Oilers' status as the only Canadian team left in the NHL playoffs. Hmm. They appear to be combining Oilers gear with lingerie and regular clothing in an oddly arousing/disturbing way. Like here. And here. And here. Few things -- like, say, a braless Meg Ryan -- are as effective erection creater/deflaters as a sparsely dressed woman holding a hockey stick.

6.) Finally, solely because The Ford has attempted to beat the holy hell out of Esquire for its simply indefensible suggestion that Jessica Biel is the sexiest woman in the country/world/U.S./living, it's probably only fair that he ... link to another extraordinarily unscientific poll of men about who the hottest woman in the world is, this one drawing from a pool of computer geeks addicted to a blog featuring shorts of scantily dressed celebrities. (The Ford goes there only for research, of course, and to note that that his "peers" have Biel at No. 40. Well done, lads and ladettes.)

Does The Ford agree with this poll? Not really. But he's a believer in America, which means he's a believer in democracy, and until we can actually vote on such things in a legally binding way, he's stuck with what we've got. (I'm looking at you, Barack Obama, to get this done.)

Enjoy.

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