Thursday, May 11, 2006

With so many things that The Ford does well -- newspapering, drinking, blogging -- it was natural that he'd eventually run up against something he does NOT do well.

Shocking, he knows, but it was bound to happen. Eventually.

Tonight, it was basketball. Now, this may not come as a shock to you, dear reader, if you're familiar with The Ford at all. Granted, he's bigger than most folks, but such size does not basketball greatness make.

Still, The Ford had always pictured himself as something of a raw talent, perhaps along the lines of Ben Wallace. Not so much with the big hair, or defensive prowess, but The Ford can rock a pair of glasses, and pull down some rebounds to boot.

Or such was the thinking in Ford-World.

In the real world, as demonstrated by tonight's pickup game with his coworkers? The Ford has no game. No shooting ability. No speed. No rebounding skills.

Indeed, it appears that The Ford's only skill tonight was a tolerance for pain in the post, and the ability/willingness to move some similarly sized coworkers out of the paint.

A dozen or so rebounds in 4 games were easily outweighed by the scared looks on teammates faces when he attempted a pass across the court. Maybe he shouldn't have thrown the first two 10 feet over a taller teammate's head.

Adding injury to insult, The Ford even managed to roll his ankle with less than a couple of minutes left in a late game. Being the gamer that he is, he laced his shoes extra tight, and limped around the court to finish out the game. Hooray.

Of course, things picked up, as they often do, at the post-game drinking, when The Ford confirmed that while his basketball skills are decidedly sub-Ben-Wallace, his drinking skills are not.

Nor are his "talking-to-random-cute-bartendresses" skills. Well, they are, but they're certainly better than Darko's. (Which has become the true measuring stick in Detroit, even after his timely departure. "This sucks." "Worse than Darko?" "Well, no." "OK, then."

All of which could explain why, as The Ford sits on The Official Couch with his ankle securely covered in a bag of ice, he's not really feeling all that bad about things, basketball or otherwise.

There's probably a lesson in there somewhere, but The Ford doesn't lecture, he just gives you the pieces to take into your own life.


At 1:10 AM, May 12, 2006, Blogger Asian Thought said...

You voluntarily committed an act of exertion? I'm stunned. Not so much of your utter suckiness at hoops, though. If I remember correctly, you're like a Yeti whose leg has been amputated because of his Diabetes.

At 2:31 AM, May 12, 2006, Blogger The Ford said...

Is that a Scuzzlebutt reference? 'Cause if it is, it's likely wholly deserved. Minus the whole "Patrick Duffy leg" thing.


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