Wednesday, April 26, 2006

When do we get to start openly mocking countries?

'Cause The Ford knows he's supposed to be all multi-culti and shit, but the Swedes are kinda asking for it.

This just in: They're cool with the letter "W."

Keep in mind, this is a country inordinately fond of the umlaut. (Not, of course, as fond of the umlaut as the Norwegians, so they've got something going for them, at least. Besides the Swedish Bikini Team. A team that, frankly, provides a lot of extra credit for Sweden, in The Ford's, um, eyes.)

But W?

That was a letter too far for the Swedes. Or Svedes. Whatever. Or, according to the Swedish Academy before this week, Vhatwver. (Oh, and these are the jerks who pick the Nobel Prize winner in Literature. So maybe now Alice Walker can expect a call? And Alice Valker won't have to field any awkward calls from Swedish fans of literature)

What makes this double ridiculous is that Swedes have been using the "W" (the double-V, as they like to call it...) for generations. Red Wings defenseman Niklas Kronwall faced a yearly challenge trying to enter the U.S., with ID that listed him at Niklas Kronvall, and a visa listing him as Niklas Kronwall. (For what it's worth, said discrepancy was equally frustrating to a plethora of copy editors trying to check crazy spellings for foreign names.) For years, his family insisted they were Kronwalls, while the Swedish Academy insisted they were Kronvalls.

Liberation at last.

Yes, finally, the Kronwalls of the Swedish Empire can hold their heads high, no more to wonder wearily when W would wow the Swedish Academy.


Finally, as a personal service to the millions of Swedes reading The Official Blog who were wavering on the wonderfulness of the W, The Ford presents The Seven Official "W's" of The Official Blog of The Ford:

1.) Weezer.
The Ford loves these kooky alt-rock wonders, worn-out wunderkinder though they might be. The best Weezer album? Easily, it's Weezer. (The green isotope, natch, though, y'know, on occasion, o-wee-oo, The Ford feels just like Buddy Holly.)

2.) Weinhard's.
As in Henry, The Ford's top-ranked Northwestern beer. Sure, there's plenty of microbrews from Washington (The Official Home State, but it still just missed the cut for "Official W" status), but few are as purely enjoyable, going down smooth and easily in a tiny 12-oz. bottle from Oregon that's part stubby, part long neck.

3.) WSU.
Duh. Any "W" discussion's gotta include The Official Alma Mater of The Official Blog of The Ford. You knew this was coming. The only question was when. Go Cougs!

4.) Stacey Williams.
Yeah, not a well-known supermodel, but a staple in the SI swimsuit issues The Ford ... perused, let's say, as an impressionable teen. This shot, in particular, made a lasting impression on The Ford. (OK, it's a stretch to make her an Official W, but, well, The Ford's gotta meet his federally mandated quota of Grade A sweatermeat -- that's the USDTA, if you're keeping score at home -- or they'll take away his blogging license.)

5.) Willie Nelson.
Dude, it's Willie. There's no explanation needed.

6.) "What I deserve."
Kelly. Willis. Can. Sing. Yes, she's hot. But she can also belt out a solid tune. Her best album, and probably one of the best country albums of the 1990s. The Ford knows that's not saying much when the Nashville sound is basically adult comtempory -- we're looking at you, Faith Hill -- but really, this is just a great, great album.

7.) Wonderfalls.
Quirky, bizarre, brilliant show from Fox, which did its usual impeccable job of greenlighting a great show, and then nixing it after about 4 episodes. Worth watching, and luckily, you probably can, with a satellite dish or decent digital cable; LOGO, desperate for gay-friendly programming that's not a documentary (the sister's a lesbian, more or less), gave it a second life a while back. WATCH IT.

So, there ya have it, Swedes. All you need to know about the letter "W", in one handy blog post. Don't say The Ford never gave you nothing.


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