Thursday, April 20, 2006

Oh, Canada.

Well, Canada, it's time to put your semi-national tab chain, the Sun, to the test.
It's time for the first-ever Sunshine-Girl-Off! (OK, the name needs a bit of work, but still, the idea's solid...)
There's 5 Sun tabloids, scattered throughout Canada -- Ottawa, Toronto, Edmonton and Calgary and Winnipeg. (Vancouver also has a newspaper called The Sun, but it's a broadsheet, challenged by a tab called The Province. Apparently neither has a Sunshine Girl. Both share a Web domain, making them likely unrelated to the rest of the Suns.)

Each features a daily pin-up girl generally found in the city, along the lines of the Page 3 girls in England but always clothed, or at least partially so.

The Ford has been bashing Edmonton of late for their lackluster women, but are they really the worst, or has The Ford simply been placing all Canadian women on a pedestal?

We'll attempt to answer that here, without slipping into the royal plural too often.

Ottawa: "Tina recently spent a couple of weeks working on her tan in Costa Rica. "

Toronto: "Be careful what you say to SUNshine girl Lucy - her hobbies include martial arts. This brown-eyed Scorpio finds sincerity and a good sense of humour appealing in a mate. "

Winnipeg: "Single Melanie prefers a man with a sense of humour. This blue-eyed Aquarius enjoys walks with her dog Jake and sports like volleyball and hockey. "

Of course, Melanie was also Edmonton's SUNshine girl on Saturday. As they told us: Melanie's aiming to get a degree in political science. Maybe she can help make sense of what they're doing in Ottawa. "

Edmonton: "Sheri is a fun-loving lass who enjoys a variety of sports, hanging out with friends and playing the Sun's Beach Bingo. "

Calgary: "Tara will be at ringside for King of the Cage Karnage Saturday night at the Stampede Corral. Get your tickets now! "

So, who's the hottest? Well, to The Ford's eyes, it's Winnipeg's Melanie, just ahead of Toronto's Lucy. Edmonton's Sheri comes in dead last in the competition. Tough luck, Sheri. Maybe your Oilers will do well in the playoffs.

Wait, what's that? They're playing the Wings? Oof. Maybe not.

Of course, Winnipeg's Melanie is also Edmonton's Melanie, so he supposes he can't entirely mock Edmonton for its lack of hotties.

He'll just have to relay on, y'know, its Edmonton-ness....


At 5:00 AM, April 20, 2006, Blogger Asian Thought said...

Winninpeg Melanine wins going away. Um, if that's Canada's best they're in trouble.

At 5:32 AM, April 20, 2006, Blogger The Ford said...

I suppose, technically, this is 1/365th of Canada's best, since there's a new girl every day (barring repeats across provinces/editions).

At 6:34 AM, April 20, 2006, Blogger Marcus said...

I agree that Melanie is No. 1, but she kinda looks like a female Gary Sinise. I don't know what that means, but it's a sad state of affairs in the Great White North (formerly Kanadian Korner, hoser).

At 12:05 PM, April 20, 2006, Anonymous tru said...

I'm on the Melanie bandwagon, with Toronto's Lucy a second. Ottawa's Tina looks like she should have Rawlings stamped on her cheek.

At 12:10 PM, April 20, 2006, Blogger Fisch said...

Awww... this reminds me of the days when I was in college, a short hour and a half drive to the south of Winnipeg. All I can say is, Melanie is not the hottest girl in Winnipeg.

At 3:24 PM, April 20, 2006, Blogger Asian Thought said...

Is it just me or could Ottawa Tina and Edmonton Sheri form one hell of a tag-team wrestling duo?


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