Wednesday, April 19, 2006

The Ford could be running right now.

He knows this because he has several friends who delight in telling him all about how much they enjoy running, even when they don't really enjoy it. How there are many times they really didn't want to run, but then they did, and it was awesome, man. Just really awesome. Dude.

The Ford paraphrases, of course.

Of course, The Ford, like every lazy lout you've ever met, likes to reply to these heartfelt entreaties to physical exertion with a big, "Eh."

See, the way The Ford figures it, the main advantage of adulthood -- possibly the only advantage of adulthood, considering the drastic rise in overhead costs -- is that when he doesn't want to run 7 miles, he usually doesn't. He consider it a major perk, in the same league as how he no longer has to write term papers.

In that spirit, The Ford presents other recently discovered perks of adulthood:

1.) The Smiths
The Ford formally apologizes for blowing off all the friends who recommended the Morissey-fronted band, though he again reiterates that the best way to spread love for a band and its lyrics is NOT doing a piss-poor imitation of the lead singer. You. Are. Not. Morrissey.
Accept this, and we'll all live a little longer and a little happier.

2.) Joel Stein
Growing up, The Ford loved Mr. Stein when he was writing for Time, and finding an issue with both a column and a full-fledged article by him was like hitting the lottery. OK, the geek lottery, but still...
Well, now Stein is writing about once a week for the L.A. Times, giving that paper two of The Ford's favorite columnists. (You must feel the love for T.J. Simers. Or else The Ford will break out his own Morrissey impression.)
Stein's so good, The Ford's even willing to allow him the obvious copyright infringment on his personal website, "The Joel Stein.com," mostly because he's pretty sure that if it came down to it, TheStein was probably around a bit before The Ford, but also because any man who goes by his full man and a "the" is a mighty man indeed.

3.) Canadian women.
The Ford has gone on about the frequent hotness of said women (as well as the hotness deficit Edmonton seems to suffer) until even he's sick of it. That said, apparently Canadians are much cooler with "the flashing" than American women. (Possibly explaining the famous quote "It is wonderful to feel the grandness of Canada in the raw.," by Emily Carr, female Canadian artist and author.)
You could even write a newspaper article about it.
No really, you could.

4.) Cheerleaders.
OK, so they're not really a per of adulthood, but this lame seque gives The Ford a chance to point out a blog about professional cheerleaders, and, oddly enough, a story not contained in said blog. Oh. It's in Cincinnati. No wonder. The Ford's not sure even people in Cincy care what happens there. Still, put said people in near-skintight outfits "offer a new take on the traditional baseball uniform," and The Ford will care. (As will Adam Dunn, who noted, ""I think it's a great idea. It gets the fans into (the game) and gives us something to look at." Not to self: Don't bet on Adam Dunn making any heads-up plays at home this season.)
Anyway, when The Ford's scooping a pro-cheerleader blog on pro-cheerleader news, well, he feels pretty awesome.

Not as awesome as running 7 miles despite really not wanting to, but pretty sweet, all the same.

3 Comments:

At 2:27 PM, April 19, 2006, Anonymous Lisa said...

First they ask you about your day, and before you can figure out a way to make "I got up, ate some toast and watched a baseball game on tv" sound interesting, they're casually beginning their story with "After my run today..." But, hey. Gatorade water has to be marketed toward somebody.

 
At 3:23 PM, April 20, 2006, Blogger Asian Thought said...

Welcome aboard the Smiths bandwagon. There's still room for latecomers like you.

 
At 12:07 AM, April 22, 2006, Anonymous Jenn said...

You should go running. I have been running every night on my treadmill ... gotta look hot in the dress!

 

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