Friday, April 14, 2006

Look, The Ford's not gonna lie. There are many things that make his penis say, "Hey!" and his brain say, "Nay!"

This is simply the way the male body/brain ('cause who's to say they're connected?) works. Luckily, The Ford's had 26 years to suss this out. Pity the poor women who are just now catching on.

Anyway, yet another erection creater/deflater: This statue of Kate Moss.

The Ford doesn't really find Ms. Moss that attractive. If anything, her coke habit would probably be a budget breaker. Plus, who wants to date/bang a gal who makes you feel guilty for eating a piece of toast.

And yet, it's a sexually suggestive position. She's not entirely unattractive. The Ford is mired in a long, long dry spell.

The math adds up to some very conflicted feelings, feelings The Ford knows he should not feel toward sculpture, regardless of how it originates.

Someday, The Ford will post The Official Sculpture of The Official Blog of The Ford. But today is not that day, and this is not that sculpture.

Other thoughts

1.) Another day, another 1 p.m. Tigers game with The Ford in attendance.
One of the between-innings scoreboard features, akin to Seattle's Hydroplane Race or Portland's Feral Cat Race, is the Dunkin Donuts-sponsored race.
It doesn't really have a name; it's just a generic race (no Detroit landmarks in sight) between "Something-something Bagel," "Cuppy Coffe" and, "The Original Dashing Donut, with each contestant assigned to a specific section. Needless to say, this random assignment conveys quite a bit of loyalty to one's section's specified contestant.
Today, The Ford was cheering hard for the bagel, which, amazingly, actually won, earning The Ford a free coffee, a free donut, or $1 off a purchase sometime in the next two weeks. Of course, The Ford may not redeem said victory, since the only Dunkin' Donuts he's seen is a 20-minute drive away. Not insurmountable, but not quite justified by a free donut.
But, with the bagel's victory, two questions leaped to The Ford's mind:
A.) Does the bagel supplant Shawn Green as The Greatest Active Jewish Athlete?
B.) If so, if the bagel expected to take Yom Kippur off? Who fills in, in that case? Do they import a Canadian donut from Tim Horton's?

2.) The Ford has long been a promoter of nicknames. Indeed, for as long as The Ford has been blogging, he's been pushing nicknames: "The Bearded Michigander," "The Official Freaklet-Designer-Extraordinare-In-Residence of The Official Blog Of The Ford," "The Ford," really the list could go on for a while, if The Ford wasn't both running out of nicknames beginning with "The" and risking breaking the "Rule of Threes," beaten into him by a pretty decent comm studies professor.
But, as we can find in this story from The Washington Post, nicknames are cooler than ever.

3.) The Ford is tired of being told that nice guys finish first in dating. Granted, in the long run, they might. But who's getting to feel up the sweatermeat right now, while The Ford goes home along again, or ends up really just good friends with gals. Maybe The Ford's a bit bitter, but, y'know, bitter is the first step toward being a bad boy.
Maybe.

4.) Fame Canada
Y'know, The Ford was recently asked why he appears to be obsessed with "the Canadian weather girl," which he eventually figured out was a reference to the Edmonton Sun's Sunshine Girl. The answer? Well, you, dear reader, probably have a few derogatory answers to that, almost all of which are true, but there's this as well: The Ford expects a lot out of Canadian women. For much of his life, they've been a paragon of hotness, and not just because Vancouver has, like, 8 million strip clubs in its downtown. (The novelty of a downtown strip club has been killed by Portland, Ore., at first, and now, Detroit, where after a while, a strip club just becomes a really expensive place to get a beer. (Although, it's still cheaper than most dance clubs and/or martini bars. Go figure.)
Anyway, after a lengthy digression, The Ford's happy to report Canada's living up to The Ford's childhood standards.
Very nice work, Canada. Apparently not all your hot women live withing= 100 miles of the U.S. border. Keep on keepin' on.

5.) Clone High.
A great, great MTV cartoon, featuring the voices of pretty much the entire cast of Scrubs, plus Will Forte, who may be the most underrated active member of Saturday Night Live. Episodes are online on Youtube, but here's a nice, categorized link to the episodes.

It's on, Wessssssss-leyyyyyyy....

2 Comments:

At 12:22 AM, April 15, 2006, Anonymous Jen Peterson said...

Bitchin' bosco! Another mention. Well, now I can enjoy my weekend properly...

 
At 2:37 AM, April 15, 2006, Blogger The Ford said...

Great... now everybody's gonna want a nickname and a shout-out... That'll go well...

 

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