Thursday, March 16, 2006

So, Thursday -- that's today by The Ford's calendar, don'cha'know -- is the first day of the NCAA Tournament.

The Ford has no favorites, no can't-miss teams, no bracket advice whatsoever. (Other than to avoid duplicating The Ford's recurring Final Four picks of Duke and Kansas; The Ford can't seem to see how they could lose, which of course means they will early.)

No, The Ford can't often put his heart into college basketball, even at this time of year; El Cougarros (team motto: "For though we are many, we lose as one.") have stomped on it a few too many times.

Mostly, The Ford just enjoys the first weekend as a proverbial return to the womb, nestling at work in the warm, liquid-filled, pillowy goodness that is 12 consecutive hours of sports on network TV, a hoops-womb, if you will.
(It's as fun to say as it is to experience. Hoops-womb. Hoops-womb. Hoops-womb. Now you try....)

The hoops-womb is made even more delightful this year with the outside shot that he can make it to a bar by halftime of the final round of Thursday's games. Y'know, if somehow The Ford also managed to get laid at said bar -- a highly improbable event -- he might never want to leave the hoops-womb, what with its alluring promise of beer and booty.

But if there is a God, and he/she/it cares anything about sports, two events will occur today in the hoops-womb:

1.) Air Force -- the runner-up to WSU in the pageant that named The Official Team of The Official Blog of The Ford -- will upset Illinois, showing that boring, precise, 10-pass basketball can win you games. Especially if you hit the damn 3-pointers.

2.) Utah State -- The Official Temporary Team of The Official Blog of The Ford, at least until they lose and TSTF has to pick a new Official Temporary Team -- will upset Washington, proving that the Huskies -- though they seem like a fun group of guys who just like playing basketball together, and have done so for most of their lives -- are really just one step above evil incarnate.

Of course, Air Force and Utah State will likely lose; they're heavy underdogs, and that seems more relevant than any hypothetical deity that might take an interest.

(Especially if trees are in charge of the universe. If the trees are in charge, I'm fucked all the way around. Of course, if the trees ARE in charge, they're doing a pretty shitty job of managing trees, what with letting their brethren get slaughtered, just so I can make some money and other folks can read their morning box scores. Unless they've got a persecution/martydom complex thing going on. Which would be weird. At least as weird as the trees being in charge of everything.)

No, the Illini will win, and I'll feel bad for the Falcons. And the Huskies will win, and I'll cuss a lot and be pissed and feel like the night has gone poorly.

But really, it'll just be a night like almost every other in the hoops-womb. It, like its real-life counterpart, always ejects you on its own timetable, sending you wet, naked and screaming to grow up into the rest of your life.


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