Tuesday, March 14, 2006

MORE BREAKING NEWS THAT YOU PROBABLY GOT ELSEWHERE!

Um, Charlize Theron is single again.

The Ford's back in business, baby!

In more quasi-stalking news, apparently, Paris Hilton is convinced she could be Charlize Theron.

Right.

Now, don't get me wrong. I actually like Ms. Hilton.

The Ford has no problem with folks being famous for being famous. And it's handy to have her around, since she's another example of The Ford's maxim about how being seen as skanky can improve your hotness, but only so far.

(Other things that maximize your hotness? Being nude, rich, a woman in a traditionally male-oriented field, or a twin. Presumably if we ever get a female NASCAR driver who's independently wealthy and walks around naked all the time with her twin sister, our heads will just explode.)

But Charlize Theron she ain't, mostly because The Ford sincerely doubts he'd fear any psychotic serial killer she played in a movie.

Ms. Theron messed The Ford up for WEEKS after he saw Monster. Nearly ruined the whole concept of lesbians making out for him.

Luckily, that love is one that will never die.

The Ford shudders to ponder what Ms. Hilton will try to take from him.

Just as long as it's not his dreams of the movie role that would hit Lindsey Lohan with thoughts of an Oscar.

Not that. That's all I ask.

3 Comments:

At 3:07 AM, March 14, 2006, Blogger Marcus said...

Lindsay doesn't quite get it, does she? For an Oscar I think she'd have to go the Charlize route and ugly herself up. Or play a retard.

 
At 3:23 AM, March 14, 2006, Blogger The Ford said...

I don't know. Halle Berry got her Oscar with a graphic sex scene.
Our luck, she'll probably hedge her bets, and pick a role were she's a mutated 'tard -- who also has graphic sex whenever possible (or germane to the script.)

 
At 7:48 PM, March 14, 2006, Blogger The Soviet said...

halle got ugly for that role, too. this is the first year in a while that the "hot chick goes ugly" role didn't win oscar. (previously .... charlize, nicole kidman, halle.

 

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