Thank you, ESPN, for your airing of cheerleading finals at 4 p.m. Putting this on at, say, 11 p.m. last night -- Y'know, when you were showing another pointless dog show -- might have led viewers like The Ford into a shameful night of self-abuse (and what's more shameful than spanking it to a cheerleading competition?) instead of a shameful night of drinking.

Thus sayeth The Ford

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