Saturday, July 22, 2006

OK, The Ford just can't seem to let the whole "sideboob" thing go.

Well, not literally, obviously, or else he'd find it much tougher to type, barring a freakish tongue that almost certainly would make him more popular with the lovely ladies. (Note to self: Work on typing with tongue.)

Anyway, there's a big of confusion on the whole sideboob thing. Is it a harmless expression of feminine pulcritudinousity, taken to extremes, or an incredibly slutty thing to do, made worse by the sheer laziness of showing nearly 360 degrees of breast without ever stripping?

Generally, we can only judge by the purveyors of "sideboob," which was fine and dandy when the sideboobers were Mms. Lohan and Aguilera.

But when the sweet, slow, charming, incredibly micromanaged Jessica Simpson brings out the sideboob?

Well, that'd chalk one up for the "harmless" argument.

Then again, sideboob tends to pale next to the newly formed Aguilera Publicity Plan, Lewd Entertainment (also known as APPLE.)

Yes, the APPLE has is redefining how The Ford, a commited relativist, views sideboob.

Well, not really how he views it, 'cause, frankly, he's still gonna shyly sneak glances of sideboob while pretending to look at the very, very interesting wall off in the distance.

But it's certainly changing his -- well, not his stance. He was pretty solidly in favor of sideboob before.

His... um... his....

Ah, it's changing his frequency of usage of the word "sideboob," which is nothing to sneeze at.

Unless you're allergic to sideboob.

In which case, The Ford is very sad for you, and offers up possibly the most polite punk wedding ever.

Wait, Avril Lavigne is still "punk," right?

Even with the blonde hair?


Perhaps not.

Eh, it just goes to show you can take the girl out of Canada, but you can't take the Canada out of the girl.

(There's probably a Pam Anderson joke in there, but The Ford'll let it pass, since there's a slight possibility Ms. Anderson could be moving to The Ford's neck of the urban jungle.)


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