Friday, March 31, 2006

Some quick thoughts... (and by "quick," The Ford, of course, means an excuse to write 900 words once again, after a plan to drink 1-2 beers with his buffalo tenders turned into six beers in two hours, comped by a friendly hot bartender....)
On Anna Benson: SHE'S SINGLE! On one hand, has a quasi-single ex-stripper ever gotten this much attention? On the sports pages? Without a show on VH1? The Ford thinks not. On the other hand, The Ford, sad to say, would ... um ... "date" her in a heartbeat. Even though he refused to buy the FHM with her on the cover.
2006 truly is becoming the year of the stripper. Numerous Top 40 hits singing the praises of the low-class showgirl, The Pussycat Dolls, the exercise program based on pole dancing, all of these things suggest an ever-increasing acceptance by the mainstream.
Which just goes to show how far ahead of the mainstream The Ford was. He's been pro-stripper ever since he was knee-high to a main stage.
As for Ms. Benson? The Ford's favorite headline, following a quick Yahoo search? That would be "A. Benson Files for Divorce After 7 Years" from the Washington Post.
Really getting to the heart of the matter there, Posties. And yet, as much as I kid, I cared more about this way more than how Kris Benson felt on whether she led to him getting traded from New York to Baltimore.
Yet another reason to visit Baltimore.

On Barry Bonds: The Ford's not necessarily in favor of the roids, but he does note that, despite their illegality in the U.S., baseball didn't ban them. And considering Gaylord Perry made the Hall of Fame mainly on the strength of his OUTLAWED pitches, maybe we should relax a bit before starting a witch hunt.
And, y'know, if I'm Barry Bonds, and I've seen sluggers of all different abilities and races get accused of steroids and blatantly lie about it (Mssrs. McGwire, Palmeiro, Sosa, etc....) and then one book gets published about me, and all of a sudden MLB appoints a special commission, featuring Sen. George Mitchell, to get to the heart of the steroid matter, well, perhaps I'm a bit justified in feeling a bit persecuted. It's not paranoia if they're actually out to get The Bonds.

On The Ford: Is it wrong that The Ford feels a bit excited about this sculpture? Right? Right? Granted, The Ford is probably overlooking layers upon layers of symbolism, but still... Britney Spears? Quasi-naked? The Ford and his id are confused. And maybe a bit ashamed. Showing that, once again, the only good dirty thought is a dirty thought about Anna Benson.

On TV: Speaking of The Ford's Crushes of Shame, did he mention that Tori Spelling's got a show coming out? On VH1? That's sorta like Curb Your Enthusiasm, but with a 30-something, heavily surgeried Tori Spelling instead of a 50-something, heavily misanthropic Larry David? No, he didn't? (The Ford got a deal on question marks over the weekend... and ellipses...) Well, then, maybe you should consider this a mention? Yes?

Y'know, someday, The Ford will come out with a whole list of celebrities and other women he finds hot. But, for now, that list looks kinda long. (When Anna Benson and Tori Spelling are on the list, it's gotta go on for a while, eh?) Who has the time? Aside from The Ford, who certainly is not actually banging any of said women...

While we're at it, here's an argument AGAINST plastic surgery. (See, ladies, The Ford occasionally thinks with both parts of the body that monopolize his blood flow....)


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