Monday, March 26, 2007

Apparently, The Ford is not The Ford.

At least, not according to The Official State of Residence.

Y'see, a couple of weeks back, The Ford finally broke down and decided to get a Michigan driver's license. As much as he digs the Washington one, well, it's been a while since he lived among the rolling hills of the Palouse (or near the banks of the Columbia, or whatever natural landmark floats your native Washingtonian's boat).

Of course, in Washington, it takes only a piece of picture ID to prove you are who you say you are.

In Michigan?

One photo ID, plus two more pieces of identification. PLUS two more pieces of identification proving you do, indeed, live in the state of Michigan.

Because so many folks are come from other states to get their licenses while bathing in the warm glow that is Michigan bureacracy.

Somehow, after ransacking The Official Apartment, The Ford managed to pull together the various pieces of ID, including, but not limited to a w-2 form, an electric bill, an old WSU yearbook, a driver's license, a paystub, and, naturally, a certified birth certificate.

Of course, this is where the problem began.

Y'see, The Official Dad wasn't entirely thinking clearly when he filled out the birth certificate, and bestowed a long-ass name -- William Robert Ryan James Vinson Ford -- on his eldest son, Yours Truly. (How, why? Well, it's a long story. Buy The Ford a drink some time to hear more.)

But The Ford's always gone by the much simpler Ryan James Ford. Or Ryan J. Or The Ford. Or The Official Ford of The Official Bar of The Official Blog of The Ford, if you're not into the whole brevity thing, man.

This used to cause some problems with the military, back when The Official Parents were in the service and The Ford needed an ID card to visit them. For years, The Ford was The Official William R.R.J.V. Ford, a mouthful indeed, and even worse on an ID card.

Eventually, even the Feds saw the idiocy of that, and started putting Ryan James on the card.
Which is how The Ford got his Washington license.

Now, everything tags to the real name, but for the purposes of, well, life, The Ford's a generic Ryan James, rather than the oh-so-exotic William Robert... or even Billy Bob, if you share The Ford's crimson-necked roots.

Except in the Michigan Secretary of State's office.

There, and possibly only there, The Ford is William Robert...

Which caused a problem, since, according to that logic, all the ID I presented showing who I am and where I live is for some other Ford, some Ryan James tool.

So, right now, The Ford's case has been sent on to the SecState's Exceptions Department.
Of course, The Ford should have seen the SecState's problem coming.
See, the Exceptions Dept. is in Lansing. Though, in point of fact, the office isn't actually in Lansing, a fact all of the SecState employees point out 3 seconds after telling you they're sending your case to the Exceptions Dept in Lansing.

And so, The Ford asks this: If SecState employees can continually reference a department in Lansing that isn't actually in Lansing, how can they not grasp that William Robert Ryan James Ford's name is not actually William Robert Ryan James Vinson Ford?

Eh, fuck it, man. Let's roll.

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