Saturday, April 29, 2006

Things you didn't know about The Ford:

1.) The Ford, despite his liberal Washingtonian upbringing, is generally a free-market economist.

Which is why he never felt too bad about the Winnipeg Jets heading to Phoenix, a move made 10 years ago this week. Especially when a similar move gave him an NHL team to root for in Dallas.

And yet...

Phoenix doesn't seem to care that much about hockey, new arena be damned.

Winnipeg seems to care a great deal.

10 years ago, small-market Winnipeg couldn't really support a team.

Now? It's a new NHL, baby, complete with salary cap and affordable, lovable, huggable stars. (Though The Ford wonders how long that'll last when rookies Ovechkin, Crosby and Phaneuf are already being described as "$7-million-a-year players." REmember, NHL, trying to pay players money you don't really have is what shut down the league for a year in the first place.)

Now? The Penguins are talking about moving in a year or so. Screw Vegas, Portland, San Antonio and Seattle. Let's put 'em in Winnipeg.

Viva Canada!

2.) (Remember, we're working on a theme here...) The Ford feels bad about staring Scarlett Johansson's big American bosom on his computer screen, but damn it, he wants to figure out if this is her.

Oddly, he feels less bad if it's not actually Ms. Johansson.

Of course, The Ford has felt bad about lusting over Ms Johansson ever since she popped up (and then went down?) in "The Man Who Wasn't There," a highly underrated Coen Bros. flick.

3.) The Ford is ready for some more horse politics.

Oh, wait, we're still just under two years from the next PRIMARIES.

So, then, it's probably a good thing Al Gore's NOT running. He just talks about the environment a lot, and in a bizarre way, enjoys Richard Nixon comparisons.

Is it too much to ask the Democratic party to provide some new candidates? John Edwards? Tom Vilsack? That Montana governor a certain Seattle resident keeps e-mailing me about? Whatever.
Let's just agree to avoid Kerry, Gore, or Clinton. 'Cause they seem pretty likely to get their brains beat out by Jimmy McGOP in a couple of years.

Unless we can somehow get Chelsea Clinton to run. Granted, she's not technically old enough, but The Ford's sure we can work around this, now that she seems to have worked out the whole "hotness vs. curly hair" thing.
Mmm. Presidential daughter....

See, this is what happens when The Ford ends up debating the mechanics of representative democracy in the wee hours at The Official Bar. The politics and the poo-nanny get a bit muddled. Although The Ford's pretty sure that if his brain and his, um, "not-the-brain" ever started working together, he could get some shit done.

Whatever that means.

(Is there a better word The Ford could have used? Poontang? Puss? OPP? PYT? All probably accurate, and yet, not as funny. The Ford knows of a site for more euphemisms, but this is a family site, don'cha'know. That is, if your family's into hot chicks, arguments for smoking, and rants about sports. The Ford's is. Go figure.)


At 10:27 PM, May 02, 2006, Anonymous Jen P. said...

Chelsea Clinton?!? Ewwww. She's got on more makeup in that picture than 3 Chicago trannies combined, plus she's the spawn of Bill and Hillary.


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