Wow.

Gary Sheffield.

Huh.

Yeah, The Ford's trying to be excited about the move -- hey, TANSTAPP! (There Ain't No Such Thing As Pitching Prospects!) -- but really, he's just kinda annoyed that the Tigers not only had to trade a major pitching pros...er, TANSTAPP!, minor league pitcher, but had to pay Sheff about $14 mil a year for two extra years.

The Ford doesn't know much, but if you say you'd like to join a team because you want to reunite with your favorite manager of all time, um, shouldn't you maybe cut them a break on the price.

Cause, y'know, The Ford's a cool guy to hang out with, full of witty observations and deep soulful eyes that seemingly yearn for a good conversation, but he's not getting a discount on too many lap dances.

(Waitasecond, is it fair to compare pro baseball players to strippers. After all, they're just hard-working professionals who wish to make the most from their main talents. Lumping them in with guys like The Sheff -- a guy who reportedly tanked plays to get traded and threw his bosses under the bus in New York -- is just wrong.)